A boss approaches his four employees and tells them he has to make one of them redundant due to the current financial climate and so he can save the company from the receivers.
The black employee replies “I’m a protected minority”. The female employee replies “And, I’m a woman…”
The oldest employee says “Get rid of me and there will be trouble – it’s age discrimination”.
Everyone turns to look at the young white male office junior…
He thinks for a moment and then says “I think I might be gay…”
A group of seniors are on a bus trip to the seaside when one of the old ladies comes up to the driver and complains that she has been molested.
The driver thinks she must be senile and tells her to sit down.10 minutes later a second woman totters to the front and makes the same complaint. He tells her to sit down as well.
10 minutes later a thrid old lady screams and runs down the bus saying that she has also been molested.
The driver decides to have a look for himself.He finds a short sighted old man on his hands and knees at the back of the bus.
“What are you up to down there” asks the bus driver?
The old man replies “I lost my toupee and three times I thought I had found it but when I made a grab for it the damn thing ran away”.
I have just invented a bra for older women, I call it the “sheep dog” because it rounds them up and points them in the right direction.
An estate agent is trying to sell a very old man a new home.
“It would be a great investment” says the estate agent.
“No it wouldn’t” explained the old man “At my age I don’t even buy green bananas”.
The owner of a hardware store is dismayed when a huge new hardware store opens up next door erecting a large sign saying “Best Deals”.
He is even more horrified when another huge hardware store opens up on the other side of his store putting up and even larger sign saying “Lowest Prices”.
The shopkeeper is panicked at first and then he has a bright idea.
He puts a large sign over his own store saying “Main Entrance”.
A man is laying a carpet in an old lady’s home. When he has finished he looks around for his pack of cigarettes but as he does so he notices a lump in the middle of the carpet. “Damn it” he says to himself. “I must have dropped my cigarettes on the floor and carpeted over them. I know, I’ll whack the pack with my hammer and flatten it out…she will never know.”
So he gets out his hammer and beats the bump as flat as a pancake.
Just at that moment the old lady walks in with his cigarettes in her hand.
“Here,” she says….”You must have left these in the kitchen. Now if only I could find my pet hamster….”